Libido

Its impossible to be so aroused and excited by one person and then not have that person available to you by living with them.

And I don’t mean just bodily aroused. I mean completely mentally aroused as well; to the point where you feel other men are simply okay, but not nearly as close to being what you know is possible. How men touch a woman is similar yet very different. SO different in fact, that it impacts how you chose your partners. Finding someone that is all YOU need sexually, who exceeds and surpasses all men who have touched you before, makes you want them in a way that is distracting. Its addictive. To be honest its annoying at times as well, because my arousal level is higher just thinking about him, than it ever was while engaged in sexual activities with other men.

I have been told I had a high sexual drive. I honestly never thought I did. I still don’t believe I do. I think my sexual drive is a normal one for a healthy and mentally stable woman. I think the lack of sexual contact in my adult life lead me to be creative and focus on eroticism perhaps more than other women may have, because I had a normal drive that was not being met. I am simply sensual.

I have a friend, who many times made the reference to a theory of “Sexual Tofu”. His wife provides him with somewhat frequent sex. She allows him to get off by using her body with the acerbity of cleaning kitchen floors, after someone tracks mud in the house, on a rainy early November morning. Its an unpleasant but necessary task, you don’t really put much thought into other than to be slightly resentful of the duty you have, to clean up the mess. He likens his sexual encounters with her as being akin to existing on a diet of tofu. Yes, it keeps him from starving, technically she is feeding him, but it is either enjoyable or satisfying. He could fantasize about yogurt and have it be more erotic than what he currently has. She gives him enough tofu to keep him from going out looking for something else to eat, but it makes him think about the gourmet meals that he sees being served to other men via the media or conversations with other people. Even a bologna sandwich would be preferable, when all you have eaten for 20 years is tofu.

Because he loves juxtaposing needs and appetites of the stomach against sexual ones, he replied to my lamentations about accessibility to a male body, to ease my almost ever present arousal upon, with a practicality that made me laugh.  He said that I should cultivate lovers like tomato plants in my garden. Would I grow just one plant? Or don’t I always grow a few of different varieties and place them in different places, to take advantage of the seasons and to minimize the vagaries of weather, attack by pests, etc.  By using this cultivation method, I would be more likely to have the fresh, ripe and succulent tomatoes that I love, more reliably, and over a longer season.  He said I would “love, care for and tend to each plant; each is special, but you are not devastated if one is lost.” I could simply go get another one to replace the one that is lost, while still enjoying the ones I have.

I think he is inviting me to be polyamorous and accept that I have demanding physical needs that I should pursue having those needs met. That he believes I have the need to have more than one man in my life to satisfy my physical and emotional needs, because I do not have access to the man who is inspiring me to a newfound and exceptionally lustful nature; that having a series of concurrent lovers make sense, to provide variety and stability for myself. I have told him that this idea, while not foreign to me, is not something I thought I would ever entertain in a practical way. I have been a serial monogamist because I enjoy knowing a man biblically in such a way that I know all there is to know about his sexual needs and preferences. I want to be the one woman, whom he never forgets and will remember with a secret smile when someone asks him if he ever had adventures with someone who surprised him in unexpected ways.

Also, it makes me feel like I am creating a stable of stud stallions, specifically chosen to service me sexually in every facet I could imagine, dependent on my mood or need. I am not sure that makes me feel comfortable. It makes me think I would be a sexually voracious and demanding to the extent that one man can not satisfy me, as that is simply not true. I know there is a man who can and he does it in a way that makes me weak in the knees and grateful to be born a woman. The issue is lack of access to the man who makes me ovulate by grabbing the hair at the back of my head, while pulling me towards his beautiful face, to kiss me.

He is encouraging me to engage in the practice of sexual substitution. I find the idea titillating but not entirely practical. I wonder if men would agree to be one of many or if they would prefer to not know about the others. I don’t think I would be comfortable with non disclosure. So does that mean if a man agreed to be part of my stud stable of stallions, that the idea of a woman with multiple partners would arouse him? Or would it simply not matter in a relevant way, as long as he had access the few times a month he would have available to entertain me, according to his own schedule? While the idea makes me smile, I really don’t think I could ever implement the idea.

The arousal I am suffering with, is not transferrable. It is caused by one man and I want to use his body to take care of my sexual needs. Another man and another cock could make me orgasm, but it wouldn’t be satisfying, in the way it would be, by the man who inspired it. Its HIS hands, HIS mouth, HIS cock I need. I could definitely appreciate another man and to be honest? If I was inspired to the level of arousal that I am with this man, I actually might entertain the idea in a real way. But I have simply never felt the level of arousal I have with this man, with anyone else. I do not believe sexual surrogacy would work for me. Using another mans cock to make myself cum, while being inspired by someone else.

I have been blessed to discover what my new standard is and any other man, who might come into my life in a sexual way, is going to have to be magnificent. Some men in their forties get hard almost instantly and with no effort. They keep their rock hard erections, even after they cum what seems like an unusually large amount. Their focus is getting their pleasure from pleasing the woman they are with. Their hands and mouths do not stop. They use their words, as much as their body, to ensure a woman stays inflamed and ready for them. They change positions often, and lick you voraciously in between. They are comfortable with themselves and confidant of their abilities. His instant response to me gives my own sexuality validation. It makes my thighs slick with being instantly ready as my body knows what awaits it. Some men in their forties have the exact same degree of bodily response they had at 18, but they have learned exquisite and complete control. It is the most amazing and awe inspiring experience to share a bed with them. It borders on a spiritual experience.

He needs no oral stimulation to keep him hard, but he appreciates any attention he lets you have. He is in control, even when he allows you to have it. He keeps your body and mind in a complete state of submission, all sensations firing and it leaves you unable to think. Your entire being shifts into autonomic response mode. You can not aide his efforts because you are mindless in regards to your participation. He will cum 4, 5 or 6 times in 2 or 3 hours. He will suckle your breasts and your pussy. He will lick you and demand your desire match his. He will treasure your bodies’ response in its ability to give him pleasure. And ever present is his gloriously magnificent, hard and proudly thrusting, ever ready to penetrate, cock.

He grinds and he thrusts, he uses his fingers and his tongue. His entire body has a soulful purpose which is to cover you in his cum, to breed you with it, to have it dripping from your swollen labia and smeared delightfully all over your face and your ass. He paints your nipples with his cum, using his engorged phallus to slap it from your kiss bruised lips, to delicately feed it to you, onto your eager and extended tongue. He will lay against your body, slick with his own cum and your combined sweat and gently move against you, while whispering into your ear how much he loves you. And in that moment of wet, tangled hair and sweaty abandon, of flushed face and panting repletion, he makes you feel like the most beautiful and treasured woman to ever grace God’s earth.

How can I possibly allow a man to give me any less, when THIS is what I have had?